Swindon Mistress Sofia

30 Nov 2015

It’s not all sex drugs and rock and roll 

When I tell people what I do , some of them are under the impression I sit about in a basque and stockings and talk erotica all day!! Wrong !! 

Ring, Ring 

“Hello , who am I speaking too?”

” hewo, I want girly for fucky ”

” oh dear no, I’m sorry this a phone sex chat line”

” so we have fucky?”

” lol ah , yes of course, for a minute I thought you meant”

“So I come you for fucky?”

“Ah, so you did mean that then! No, your not understanding , this is phone sex , just on the phone ”

” I see, I see !”

Hooray at last I’m getting through to him 

” so you come my house then and we have fucky?”

” what? Look mate, for the last time, I talk about it I don’t do it, now fuck off ”


Then Albert came along, bless him, this tested my patience somewhat 

Ring Ring 

” hello, who am I speaking too?”

“Hello, hello, hello, anyone there?”

” Hello, yes it’s Sofia, who is it?”

“Hello, can you speak up , I’ve lost my hearing aid”


“Hello, it’s Albert dear. Can you fix my telly control ?”


“What dear, my cat? What’s it got to do with my cat?”

Give me strength !! “OK WHO ARE YOU WITH ALBERT?”

“Pardon dear?”


“What dear? Your a virgin?”


“Oh, I’m with sky,”  hooray we’re getting somewhere, 


“Can I have the number dear?”


Some calls are quite short and annoying 

Ring Ring 

“Hello, who am I speaking to?”

“Is that Alice?”

“No. It’s Sofia”

“Can I speak to Alice please?”

“There’s no Alice here”

“When will she be back?”

“Alice doesn’t live here ” (anymore, lol get it? Sorry,) 

“Oh , has she moved?”

“Look, I don’t know who Alice is but this is a phone sex line”

“Is it,? I didn’t know Alice did that ”

” For god sake , she probably doesn’t, I’ve told you , she doesn’t live here”

” oh ok . Sorry, no chance you could give her a message then?”

AGHhh   Alice, Alice, who the fuck is Alice ? 

28 Nov 2015

Then there was Archibald 

Where do I start about Archibald! What an absolute sweetie.

Ring Ring! 

“Hello, who am I speaking too?”

” it’s Archibald my dear, ”

“Hello Archibald, or may I call youArchie?”

“Oh of course my dear”

“What can I do for you Archie?”

“Well my dear, I’m feeling rather amorous and my penis is quite erect ”

” oh Archie, how very saucy of you, may I ask how old you are?”

“Yes my dear, I’m 87, but it’s ok my doctor says it’s good for my circulation to be sexually active”

” well that’s wonderful Archie, we’ll just take it nice and gently shall we ?”

“Yes please my dear, I would love to put my penis in your vagina”

What a refreshing change, just a sweet little old man, bless his heart, old fashioned romanticism, no need for crudeness here, just loving words 

“Then my dear, I want to fuck the crap out of you!” 

OH !!! 

Then there was George, this was even more surprising

Ring Ring!

“Hello, who am I speaking too?”

” Hello , it’s George, you have a lovely voice”

“Thank you George , what can I do for you?”

“I’m 94 my dear, but it doesn’t stop me feeling rather horny on occasions and I wondered if a lovely young lady like you could help me out”

” of course I can George”

” my wife and I always had a wonderful sex life”

“L think that’s lovely George, can I ask when you lost her?”

“Lost her”

“Yes, when did she pass away?”

” oh no my dear. Ha ha , did you hear that Ethel? The young lady thinks your dead”

“Ha ha , no my dear, I’m sitting here doing my knitting, I can’t be doing with all that these days so George just gets on with it. Anyway, hurry up George, dinner is nearly ready”

“Alright Ethel, you know I’m not as quick as I used to be”

Awkward  !! 

Awkward !! 

26 Nov 2015

Slaves punishment 

After kneeling on the floor for two hours his knees felt like they were becoming an extension of the cold stone tiles.  She hadn’t needed to chain him, that was the absurdity of it, she knew without a doubt he would be in exactly the same position when she returned.

His mistress had surrounded him with flour, so there was absolutely no room for error,his punishment would be severe if he lost concentration and moved involuntarily. He knew his situation was his own doing , the compulsion to peep through his mistresses bedroom door as she was undressing was overwhelming . She had caught him and now he must take the consequences.

His mind began to wander.How had he become so totaly dedicated to a woman who had so little regard for him except to treat him as the slave he had become . A powerful man in business, she had reduced him to nothing in her presence and made him aware of the total submissive nature he had concealed all these years, but from the minute he had set eyes on her his life was no longer his own 

He was desperate to move, his legs had become unbearably heavy, but to disobey her command would be totaly unthinkable.  He longed for her return, but with nervousness anticipation , would she be forgiving, teasing , or worse would she ignore him, go to her room, that would indeed be unbearable, rather he were the brunt of her aggression than to be ignored 

Two more hours then he heard the key in the door , heard the click of her stilleto heels as she walked towards the kitchen door  ” well now little puppy, have you been a good slave for me? 

25 Nov 2015

The art of domination 

It didn’t take very long before I came across a submissive caller, this was new territory for me and I think I should have googled a few things before I started. It also bacame clear to me that I had found my vocation and soon I acquired my very own slave harem, but we’ll talk about that later. My beginning wasn’t quite so successful 

Ring Ring 

“Hello, who am I speaking to?”

” this is Gerald,  is that Sofia?” 

” yes it is , what can I do for you ?”

” I’m into CBT mistress ”

“Well, your in luck Gerald , I have a beautiful pink one, long and shiny ”

” huh? Are you transsexual mistress?” 

“Sorry Gerald, why would you ask that?”

“You said you have a long pink shiny cock mistress”

“What? No, PVC , long shiny pink PVC Mac Gerald 

” sorry mistress, only I said CBT not PVC , cock and ball torture”

“Oh, I do beg your pardon Gerald, hang on, I’ll just get my hmmer ” 


24 Nov 2015

Be sure your sins will find you out 

I guess I’m like most people , I hate and detest liers , but in this job you have to be prepared to please the caller and if that means being a little liberal with the truth then so be it, I like to call it poetic licence and doesn’t do anyone any harm except you have to have a good memory and your wits about you to get away with it , as I found out to my cost. 

Ring, Ring 

“Hello. Who am I speaking to?”

” hello, I’m John ”

“Hello John , what can I do for you ?”

“Can you tell me a bit about yourself , I’d like to get to know you before we become intimate”

“Of course John , I’m Sofia” hmm what shall I look like today, ” l have long blonde hair , very curvy  and I’m 45 ”

“You sound lovely Sofia , I’m tall blonde blue eyes and I’m 43. Do you have children Sofia ?”

“Yes John I have 3 ”

” how old are they Sofia?”

” one is 39, one is 27 and one is 23 ”

” 39 Sofia ? But your 45″  omg quick, think ! 

“Erm , yes John, he’s my step son”

“Oh . I see, so how old is your husband Sofia?”

Bloody hell. “He’s 80 John.”  ” 80 Sofia?”  ” yes John”

” so where is he tonight ?” Oh god he’s going to ask to speak to him 

“Um, he’s at his mothers John ”

” his mothers?”

Is there a bloody echo in here . “Yes John his mothers” 

” so how old is his mother then?”

” she’s 102 John”  ” 102?” There he goes again. 

“Has she had a telegram?”  ” telegram John?” God now I’m doing it.

” yes. You know, from the queen?”

“Oh yes John , she keeps it on the mantelpiece , it gives her something to look at. She doesn’t go out much, she’s deaf.” This is starting to get out of hand

“Do you have a good sex life Sofia?”

” oh yes Stanley takes lots of viagra”

“Good lord, should he be doing that at his age?”

” well no, when I say viagra , I mean he has a pump ”

“A pump? How does that work”  God now what do I say, I have a mental picture of a little old man sitting on the edge of the bed with a bicycle pump stuffed down his Johnson pumping merrily away while his young voloptuous wife lies on the bed with her legs in the air waiting patiently. 

“Erm it’s like a bicycle pump John , he pushes it down his cock and blows it up” 

” bloody hell, well I seem to have lost my erection Sofia, I’ll have to call you back ”

Click. Hmm, I think I could have handled that a little better, teething troubles that’s all, I think it’s going quite well . 

24 Nov 2015

Attempt number two 

Well a new day . Gave myself a good talking to and decided to give it another go , after all how hard can it be . This time I’m going to approach it from another angle . Sober !! 

Ring ring 

“Hello who am I speaking too?” 

“This is Paul” 

“Hello Paul , I’m Sofia . What can I do for you ?”

“I got a great big throbbing  cock , I want you to get your mouth ”

” Cooee, Paul, are you there? I’ve brought your washing back ” 

” oh shit it’s my mum ” 

Click !  Oh we’ll always tomorrow ! 

23 Nov 2015

Water sports with Henry

The first think I needed to do was find myself an alter ego . I settled on Sofia. as I had always admired Sophia Lorens amazing beauty and perfect body. Oh, I’m going to love this, I can be everything I’m not , I can have my own little fantasy . There was very little training and I was more one less the own in at the deep end

Ready as I’ll ever be, I necked almost a full bottle of White Zinfandel and waited for my first caller, I was so terrified my teeth were chattering , but bring it on, after all, do I have a choice.

Ring Ring  ” hello, who am I speaking to?”

” Hello this is Henry”  fuck me, my first caller and I get a Henry

” hello Henry, I’m Sofia , what can I do for you?” My god where did that sexy voice come from!

” Well Sofia, I’m into watersports”

” that’s nice Henry, I’m not a great swimmer but I have done a bit of jet skiing , Henry, hello, are you still there Henry?”  What did I say.

Undeterred I had another go

Ring Ring

” hello who am I speaking to?”

” it’s Tom, do you like shilk shtocking? ”

” sorry Tom, what did you  say?”

” shtoskings shilk , you know,”  couldn’t cope with that , fist in my mouth I put the phone down, bloody wine, no, this is not for me, I guess it’s down to tescos tomorrow , it’s got to be easier.


23 Nov 2015