Be sure your sins will find you out 

I guess I’m like most people , I hate and detest liers , but in this job you have to be prepared to please the caller and if that means being a little liberal with the truth then so be it, I like to call it poetic licence and doesn’t do anyone any harm except you have to have a good memory and your wits about you to get away with it , as I found out to my cost. 

Ring, Ring 

“Hello. Who am I speaking to?”

” hello, I’m John ”

“Hello John , what can I do for you ?”

“Can you tell me a bit about yourself , I’d like to get to know you before we become intimate”

“Of course John , I’m Sofia” hmm what shall I look like today, ” l have long blonde hair , very curvy  and I’m 45 ”

“You sound lovely Sofia , I’m tall blonde blue eyes and I’m 43. Do you have children Sofia ?”

“Yes John I have 3 ”

” how old are they Sofia?”

” one is 39, one is 27 and one is 23 ”

” 39 Sofia ? But your 45″  omg quick, think ! 

“Erm , yes John, he’s my step son”

“Oh . I see, so how old is your husband Sofia?”

Bloody hell. “He’s 80 John.”  ” 80 Sofia?”  ” yes John”

” so where is he tonight ?” Oh god he’s going to ask to speak to him 

“Um, he’s at his mothers John ”

” his mothers?”

Is there a bloody echo in here . “Yes John his mothers” 

” so how old is his mother then?”

” she’s 102 John”  ” 102?” There he goes again. 

“Has she had a telegram?”  ” telegram John?” God now I’m doing it.

” yes. You know, from the queen?”

“Oh yes John , she keeps it on the mantelpiece , it gives her something to look at. She doesn’t go out much, she’s deaf.” This is starting to get out of hand

“Do you have a good sex life Sofia?”

” oh yes Stanley takes lots of viagra”

“Good lord, should he be doing that at his age?”

” well no, when I say viagra , I mean he has a pump ”

“A pump? How does that work”  God now what do I say, I have a mental picture of a little old man sitting on the edge of the bed with a bicycle pump stuffed down his Johnson pumping merrily away while his young voloptuous wife lies on the bed with her legs in the air waiting patiently. 

“Erm it’s like a bicycle pump John , he pushes it down his cock and blows it up” 

” bloody hell, well I seem to have lost my erection Sofia, I’ll have to call you back ”

Click. Hmm, I think I could have handled that a little better, teething troubles that’s all, I think it’s going quite well . 

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