Every so often I get a caller with a smoking fetish, this can take on all sorts of forms , but this one was a little taxing
Ring Ring
“Hello, who am I speaking to?”
” your speaking to David”
” hello David , what can I do for you?”
“Do you smoke Sofia?”
Once a question like that has been asked , it’s pretty obvious the answer has to be yes, even though I gave up smoking many years ago.
“Yes David, I smoke”
“Are you a heavy smoker?”
There again, a leading question
“Yes I smoke around 25 or 30 a day”
” which brand do you smoke?”
“I smoke dunhill David ” for gods sake don’t let him ask me how much they are because I wouldn’t have a clue
“Dunhill huh? You must be a very classy smoker?”
“I like to think so David”
“Are you smoking now?”
“Oh what a shame , I’ve just put one out”
“I don’t suppose you’d like to light another one Sofia?”
I felt a surge of panic . Then I saw the lighter on the mantelpiece , I use it to light my scented candles .
“I want to hear you light it, take a big drag on it down to your lungs , then slowly blow it out ”
Bloody hell, he doesn’t want much . Suddenly I saw the half eaten piece of celery still on the plate from earlier . I picked it up, flicked the lighter , put the celery in my mouth, had a long hard drag and took that celery right down to my lungs .
“Oh Sofia that was so horny, your such a sexy smoker. Tell me exactly what your doing? Do you have high heels on? Tell me?”
“Yes David,I’m sitting in my chair , with my legs crossed black stockings and stilletos on , my cigarette held between 2 straight fingers , drawing on it and watching the smoke curl as I slowly blow it out”
In reality, I was sitting on my sofa , in my tigger onesy ( with ears) puffing away on a limp piece of celery and hoping none of my kids come in and cart me off to the funny farm . Also thinking I might give up this celery, filthy habit!!
I have 2 beautiful Bengal cats, but they are very naughty. Consequently, when I’m working they are banned from the bedroom. But on this one occasion Pooky was fast asleep on my bed , so I figured it would be pretty safe. Half way through my second call she woke up, but she just moved closer against my hip and snuggled back down, great, no problem. Things were hotting up and as far as the caller was concerned I was on the brink of orgasm ( yeah right) suddenly Pooky lifted her head and started frantically chewing her side , unfortunately she has a nasal problem so it always sounds like a cow stuck in quick sand. Too late I realised my caller had heard but before I could make my apologies he said.
” oh baby, your pussy is so wet for me, you’ve made my cock as hard as fuck”
Well now, there’s a result , but I must deflea her tomorrow.
Sound effects can play a big part in some calls . But like everything there are sometimes malfunctions . Some callers like to heat a vibrator and firmly believe I’m using it , I used to use my electric toothbrush but come the morning when I went to clean my teeth the battery would die a death. So I invested £2.99 in a vibrator from Hong Kong, big mistake, after 2 calls it died a death . Do you think I can find batteries to fit the bloody thing, and I’m damned if I’m going into a shop and asking
” excuse me sweetie , have you got a battery’s to fit this?”
So for the time being its back to the tooth brush !!
Sofia stood at the end of the kitchen . She knew Mary was unaware of her presence, too busy cleaning the worktop, so she was able to study her without being noticed . Mary’s little black dress , although short, was neat and the little apron on the top was gleaming white . She wore black stockings, her legs were very shapely. She walked surprisingly well in her black heels. Her makeup was immaculate and she wore her hair in a long bob and had a cute way of flicking it back off her face. In fact the only giveaway was the bulge in the front of her black panties. Sofia had noticed it and it unsettled her, she tensed her thighs together trying to dispel the growing desire she felt between them, what the fuck was happening? . This was her sissy maid , fully made up , her slave, her sub, there to do her bidding and all Sofia wanted to do was rip her clothes of and fuck her. It had been a long time since she had felt this much intense desire and it irked her. It made her angry, she felt she was losing control and she didn’t like it.
“Mary, have you cleaned the floor?”
“Yes miss”
“But it’s streaky Mary”
“Is it miss, I’m sorry l’ll do it again”
“No Mary, that’s not good enough, it should have been done properly in the first place, you know I need to punish you don’t you ?”
Mary kept her eyes to the floor
“You know the rules Mary”
” yes miss, forgive me miss”
“Bend over Mary”
Mary bent over showing her firm lean buttocks and Sofia brought her leather whip down hard across them , much harder than she would normally have done . She heard Mary’s sharp intake of breath but she never uttered a sound . Sofia saw the ugly red welt appear almost immediately across Mary’s ass .
“Stand up Mary, now has that taught you a lesson ?”
“Yes mistress, thank you mistress”
Sofia knew Mary was fully erect now and it was too much for her to bare
“Finish your jobs Mary”
“Yes miss”
Sofia went to her room . Damn it, damn it, she knew she couldn’t let that happen again.
I thought I was the one creating the fantasies , but I do get the occasional wannabees.
Ring. Ring
“Hello, who am I speaking too?”
“I’m jason”
“Hello jason, what can I do for you?”
“I’m just at home today chilling . Thought I’d ring up for a chat.”
“Hmm, that’s nice jason , so a day off. What do you do?”
“A bit of this and that , but mainly I’m an escort”
Well I nearly chocked , an escort , with a day off ! So he phones a sex line, doesn’t sound very likely.
“Wow, that sounds exciting . So how many clients do you have a day Jason?”
“Usually three or four ”
“My, your a busy guy”
“Yeah, I’m popular with the older ladies ”
“How old are you Jason?”
“I’m twenty six”
“What would you do to me if I were one of your clients?”
Hmm, professional male escort this is going to be horny
“I’d grab your ass cheeks , pull them apart ”
What the fuck! So this is foreplay is it.
“Well Jason, you seem to have done your homework , do you do that to all your clients?”
“Yeah, pretty much”
“How much do you charge for such an erotic experience?”
“Um, five hundred pounds”
“My word Jason, cheap at half the price, you should be in 50 shades of grey”
Jason gives a nervous laugh
“How long have you been an escort Jason ?”
“Oh years”
“You must be pretty wealthy now then ??”
“What? Oh yeah”
” you seem to have had my ass cheeks pulled apart for some time Jason , any chance we could move on a bit?”
“Yeah sure, gonna shove my cock up your fanny”
Oh joy be unconfined , it’s a long time since I’ve been erotically stimulated , I can hardly contain myself . Jason on the other hand didn’t even try , as I listened to his moans , I couldn’t help thinking maybe I should be the one getting the five hundred pounds .
Short calls are very frustrating for us girls. We get paid nothing for the first minute , so if I had 6 consecutive calls under a minute, God forbid, I’d be climbing the walls , but in saying that it can be quite amusing
Ring Ring
“Hello , who am I speaking too?”
“Hello it’s Tony, could you give Emily a message for me?”
“I’m sorry Tony I’m not in an office with other girls, we work from home ”
“Oh. So where’s Emily then?”
“I can only assume she is in her own home ”
“Damn it, so you can’t get a message to her then ?”
“No Tony , I can’t ”
“Ok “. Click, charming !
Ring Ring
“Hello Yvonne . We got cut off, it’s Steve, I’ve got the whipped cream , the funnel and the latex gloves you asked for”
“Erm , that’s nice Steve but this is Sofia ”
“Oh bollocks ” click
Ring Ring
“Hello, who am I speaking too?”
“Hello Sofia, it’s Jeremy . I’m just phoning to see if your on tonight ?”
“Yes Jeremy , I’m on every night ”
“Jolly good, I’ll try and keep it up till later then”
Huh!!
Ring Ring
“Hello , who am I speaking to?”
“It’s John Sofia , we spoke about a month ago , remember ?”
I get hundreds of calls a week
” Um yes John , of course I remember . What can I do for you?”
“well, just wanted to let you know , that bread poltice worked a treat , it’s totaly cleared up , hardly left a mark ”
” That’s wonderful , I’m so pleased”
” Bye then Sofia.”
“Bye John” Bread poltice? What the fuck was that about !
Then there’s even shorter ones
Ring Ring
“Hello , who am I speaking too?”
“Hi it’s Ian, my dicks hard . Can you be my mummy?”
” No, I bloody well can’t” click
Ring Ring
” Hello , who am I speaking too?”
” Hello, it’s Jake ”
” What can I do for you Jake?”
“I’m gonna tie you down and get 10 men to gang rape you ”
” Fuck off Jake ” click
Hmm ! Short but not so sweet huh!
Sofiasdilemmas
Twas the night before Christmas and I’m home alone
I’d just settled down for a night on the phone
It started to ring , ’twas a horny old git
He wanted me naked and to suck on his dick
I said ” oh come on then , but let’s make it quick
I’m expecting a visit from Santa, st Nick ”
The next one was dressed in his mother-in- laws frock
And wanted me wanking his very small cock
And so it went on till it was late and so dark
And I said to myself “fuck this for a lark”
A nice cup of tea and a home made mince pie
But as I started to move a light caught my eye
And out on the lawn I espied st Nick
But to my surprise he was holding his dick
He laughed when he saw me , how his belly did wobble
“Ho Ho Ho Sofia’ any chance of a gobble?”
“But I thought you had come to just fill my stocking ”
“I will Sofia , in exchange for a fucking ”
So after the deed and with incredible speed
He jumped on his sleigh and cried”up up and away”
And I thought to myself as he flew out of sight
Shouting ” thanks for the fuck Sofia , have a good night
Santa only took three minutes to cum
And the wily old git didn’t wear a condom !!!
He stood outside her bedroom door, his mind lost in thought . How long he had waited for this moment , now it was here he felt fear and apprehension . What if he disappointed her , what if she really were as cold and unfeeling as she portrayed herself to be .
Inside the bedroom , Sofia stood in front of the mirror . She was all too aware of the difference in their ages , she was a striking woman , but even so the tell tale signes of her age were very apparent to her.she had not had a lover since her marriage ended and that was a good few years ago . Her sex life with her ex husband left a lot to be desired . She had spent many years faking her pleasure in order to end the ordeal . She had also spent 25 years being constantly belittled and bullied . Sofia vowed that no man would get the better of her again , her life experience with him had totaly changed and hardened her.
He resisted the urge to knock on the door, no, he had made it quite clear that he would be in full control this evening . He quietly turned the handle and walked in . His mistress was standing in front of the mirror , obviously deep in thought . He walked over to her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders . He felt her flinch at the unfamiliar touch . She raised her head and looked at him through the mirror . For the first time he had the right to look at her face and so he gazes into her eyes. He was surprised when she shyly lowered her eyes. Oh my god , he thought, she’s vulnerable . He slowly turned her around , lifting her chin he bent his head and his lips touched hers , almost like a whisper, then his tongue slowly traced around her lips and when he felt them part he gently pushed it into her mouth and found hers . He caressed her tongue with his until he felt it become hard and he knew she was becoming as aroused as he was . He pulled the thin straps of her negligee down her shoulders and it slid to the floor . He took a step back , he had seen her body many times before but had never been permitted to gaze intently . She saw the desire in his eyes and felt compelled to bring her arms up to cover herself , but he took her wrists and gently guided them away as he whispered ” your beautiful ”
He picked her up and carried her to the bed kissing her as he laid her down . He lay down next to her , she could feel his hardness against her leg . His hand began caressing her breasts , then she felt his soft mouth as it took her nipple sucking it until it became hard like a rosebud. His hand slowly stroking down her flat stomachs untill it found her beautiful mound and he began gently playing with her clit, teasing caressing . As his fingers moved down to her cunt he was surprised how wet she was becoming . He moved down pushing her knees apart his tongue was quick to enter her , moving in and out of her , he felt her body writhing , heard her gentle moans and was aware how desperately he longed to be inside her . He could taste her sweet juices and it made him feel lightheaded . He wanted nothing for himself , this was all for her , he wanted to watch her face as she reached the orgasm he knew she was close to . Then he felt her pulling him to her and he knew the time was right , he pulled his body up onto hers , his cock found its home immediately and he slowly entered her . He began moving rhymically inside her , never taking his eyes from hers . He saw a tear slide down her cheek , he bent and kissed it away , moments later he watched as she climaxed taking him with her . When they were spent and he lay on her gently caressing her she heard him whisper in her ear “I love you Sofia” But those words were to seal his fate
Here are a couple of calls that I guess I can only refer to as rather odd fetishes, or maybe it’s just my perception , anyway check them out and make your own mind up.
Ring Ring
“Hello, who am I speaking to?”
, “Hello, this is David ”
“Hello David, what can I do for you?”
There was a nervous laugh and some hesitation.
“Actually Sofia , I have a rather strange fetish , but it’s very specific ”
“Then I’m your girl David , fire away, I’m not easily shocked”
‘Ok, I want you to be wearing a 1970s long white polo neck jumper, I’m also turned on by the word busy “. Hmm ok let’s have a stab at this then
“Oh , I’m such a busy girl in my flat , wearing my 1970s white polo neck long jumper , busy, busy, busy, I love my long polo neck jumper ” then I heard.
“Oh well”
I thought, oh bummer , I’d obviously got it wrong, I hate failure
“That’s me done then “. With that he started to laugh
“I know, it’s very odd isn’t it ? I can’t explain it ”
Next thing , I was laughing . He’s called several times since and always the same scenario and we’ve never managed to say goodbye because we’re both laughing so much.
Here’s another strange one
Ring Ring
“Hello, who am I speaking too?”
“Hello, I’m mark”
” what can I do for you mark?”
“I know this is a bit strange Sofia but I have an obsession with the word jail . Also the magazines , cosmopolitan and Marie Clare . I want you to take me to the worst jail imaginable , talk about the magazines too and compare them .
Bloody hell, no pressure then, why can’t he just settle for a quick wank like most of them . I’d need a degree in political journalism to sort this one out
” Mark, you have been sentenced to life in jail , I’m sending you to bank ok”. Hah, very appropriate name , nice touch on my part.
“It’s the worst jail in the world , cockroaches, rats, pigs swill for food, riddled with desease . Not to mention gang rapes , murders , it’s the worst possible jail you could possibly imagine. We will travel by train I’ve bought a couple of magazines , cosmopolitan and Marie Clare for you do read . There’s an article in cosmopolitan about the very jail your going to ”
” oh Sofia, that was amazing . Thank you so much I loved it ” What any of that had to do with sex is beyond me but I’m not to reason why . Still don’t know wether he had an orgasm but he went away happy .
He stopped the car at the wrought iron gates, pressing the intercom he steeled himself for the acknowledgment , but was surprised when the gates just opened. He drove down the long winding drive until the house was in sight . It was quite breathtaking although to him it felt intimidating. He parked and walked to the front door, it was several minutes before he could bring himself to ring the bell and that was only after he had given himself the pep talk he needed. This was important to him and failure was not an option , but although he was determined he also knew that his body would only obey if the desire was there, that was seeming very unlikely to him.
He rang the bell. The door was opened by a stunningly beautiful oriental girl which surprised him, for some reason he was expecting a butler.
“You are slave?”
” yes I am, mistress Matilda has sent for me”
” yes, enter please, I have instruction to prepare you for my mistress”
He walked behind her , her body was exquisite, she wore a tight white dress with a split at the side showing a long tanned thigh, he couldn’t help wishing his task involved her, he knew if it did he would be bound to succeed . She took him into a room furnished quite sparcly with just a long sofa and a wardrobe. She opened the wardrobe and took out a white towelling robe.
“I am Star, I take care of you , prepare you, ”
Star began to undress him, she unzipped his jeans and pulled them to his ankles”
“Step please”
Then she pulled down his boxers, a smile crossed her face. He stepped out of them and as he did he felt her hand wrap around his cock.
“Mmm , you will please my mistress I think”
She began to stroke him slowly, he felt his cock begin to grow as her stroking became more intense . Then just as quickly she released him.
” my mistress would be cross with me, playing is forbidden for me.”
Star held the robe open. He put his arms in and she deftly tied the belt, giving him a last playful stroke. He willed the hardness to remain but the nervousness he felt in his gut was no aphrodisiac and he was soft before they reached the door of mistress Matilda’s room. Star pushed the door open.
“Slave is here and ready mistress”
Matilda was sitting at a small table, she was wearing an orange kaftan , her hair was in a large bun on the top of her head. Time and the debauched lifestyle had not been kind to her. Too many cosmetic procedures had left their mark as she tried to hold back the ravages of time, but for all of this he could see that she had once been a very beautiful woman
“Well Star, did you manage to keep your hands to yourself?”
” sorry mistress”
“Get out , I’ll deal with you later”
” well slave, come here, let me take a look at you, open your robe”
He slowly untied it and pulled it apart to enable Matilda to see hid body. He felt humiliated , like he was a prize bull on show .
“Don’t look so terrified slave I don’t bite.so would you like to go up in your mistresses estimation?”
“Yes mistress, it’s my dearest wish”
“Then I think we will both get what we want. Much as I admire your beautiful body slave I have no desire to be intimate with you or anybody else, but I have a reputation to uphold and so as far as your mistress and all who are told this meeting was extremely sexually successful, do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal clear mistress”
“Good, now then, do you play chess slave?”
” yes of course mistress”
Several hours later he was in his car driving home. How surprised he had been, what a pleasant few hours and he had built quite a rapport with Matilda, so much so that she had asked to see him again.
Sofia was sitting on a stool in the kitchen obviously waiting for his return.
“You have excelled yourself slave , mistress Matilda has already phoned me, she is very happy and wishes to see you again , well done. Yes I remember I promised you a reward of your choice and I will stick to my word. What would you like slave?”
“Mistress Sofia, you said I could choose anything I desired.”
“I did , would you like a female slave? Or two perhaps?”
“No mistress, I want a night with my mistress, not as a slave but as your lover”
He watched as the colour drained from her face.
I have to say, some calls leave me speechless. I’m totally confused as to what turns some guys on.
Ring, Ring
“Hello, who am I speaking to?”
“Hello, this is Raymond, are you old?”
“Well Raymond, I wouldn’t describe myself as old, but I’m certainly a more mature lady”
“Oh great, big saggy tits then?”
Great! No I don’t have big saggy tits but what the caller wants the caller gets.
” Yes Raymond they are humongous , in fact if I’m not careful they get caught in my zip”
“Oh my god amazing, you got a big fat belly?”
God could this get any worse
“Yep, huge saggy belly can’t remember the last time I saw my pussy”
” God Sofia , that’s got me so hard, I want you to suck my big hard cock , but take your teeth out first, put them in a glass by the side of the bed, then give me a real hard gummy suck”
This guy is really taking the piss. I don’t mind that my tits have started to resemble roofers nail bags , or that my belly now obscures my feet, but my teeth are my pride and joy and are most definitly my own . But his next request was even more bizarre .
“I want to hear you saying something without your teeth in”
Hmm, how does , ” you are a fucking twat” sound , coming from a toothless old hag with body issues?
Anyway , I won’t bore you with the gory details of toothless fellatio , but he made enough noise about it , so there’s nothing wrong with this old hags hearing.
” yeah, that was great doll, cheers”
” just a minute, before you go”
” yeah?”
“I’d like my teeth back please”
Bloody Cheeck